my shocking return

A friend told me a few months ago that I was in a time period of "Saturn Return". She believes in astrology. I do not. But upon doing a little research into what this "Saturn Return" entails, I do believe that something of this nature is going on in my life. (I just may happen to also believe that a creator of the universe intentionally designed a pattern of our lives & the universe to work in harmony together!)

The basic premise of Saturn Return is that every 28-30 years the moons around Saturn return to where they were at the time of your birth, thus prompting life reflection & transition. Hmm, yes this sounds very familiar to life right now!

As I reflect & transition throughout such life lessons as relationships, finances, spirituality and self-perception, I have noticed a trend not only in my life, but in society around me: no one wants to deal with the bad stuff.

It appears to me, as I dig deeper into myself, that if it's hard, frustrating, bad, painful or otherwise uncomfortable I have a strong urge to push my arms out in front of me, turn my face away and just not deal with it. You might be thinking to yourself, "of course you do! Don't we all?! Duh!" Well yes, but you see, the shocking realization came into play when I realized that I am actually like this, as opposed to the efficient, type-A, "on top of it" type of gal I THOUGHT I was!

And the frustration mounts when I proceed to realize that I fight this mentality of "life must be easy for me ALL the time" with the juveniles I encounter every day... now the tables have turned and I find myself staring at my very image in their (not-so-innocent) eyes. Disappointment with myself quickly ensues.

You may be asking, but Alita, what's so wrong with this idea that everyone should be happy & comfortable all the time?? My response: A LOT is wrong with it. No matter what some well-intentioned parents or manipulative, good looking politicians may tell you, it is a farce to believe that we must be comfortable ALL of the time. Life simply does not allow it. Even when we try to do good & be good all the time (as I have) we end up failing (as I have). Whether it's a broken relationship or a debt sold to a collector, my good intentions only went so far until reality slowly leaked in... drat!

So what's a gal (or guy) to do?! Well, I'm working on that right now... but my first instinct: to not let "the man" get you down. To accept my mistakes & failures as only what they are. They are a moment in time in which I did not do what was best for myself (and perhaps others around me). They only define me to the point at which I accept my shortcomings and choose to do better the next time around. Not only do I choose better next time, I do everything within my power to right the current wrong. When I am satisfied that I have given it my all, the only thing left to do is move on. And as I move on, I can only hope that when my next Saturn Return comes along, I will be struggling with new lessons, and not these same ones... ;)