I have never really given much thought to a birthday before, but this year my mind has been reeling through a range of thoughts. Everything from depression to excitement has crossed the threshold of my mind in the last few days. Depression licks at my wounded heart, exhausted after giving intensely of itself and still not finding a life-long love. Love is not all there is to life, but a life without love after 29 years starts to make a person wonder what’s wrong? At the same time, the amount of important life epiphanies that came to me during my 28th year incite the excitement of potential growth for a new year. Many unexpected adventures have filled my path over the past year. A serious relationship, cut short by near sightedness; a sharp financial reality check and continued professional and spiritual growth mark what has now become another chapter in my life.
It was really a good year, but not in the one many may measure “good years.” For when one is burned by love (yet again) there are always lessons to be learned. I have yet to discover exactly what this particular love lesson is all about. Perhaps it is merely: do not believe what a guy says until he is on one knee in front of you asking you to spend the rest of your life with him… and even then, proceed with caution because he is probably still lying about something…? Sounds bitter, I know. I probably still am; thank God life is a work in progress. Right now, my heart is on the shelf and I am OK with that. Besides, I already know the only One I can truly always trust.
On another note, finding financial conviction and thereafter, discipline is not what I would consider “fun,” but in fact, I am already discovering the true joys that come from being a disciplined saver and spender of my financial resources. It is, after all, so relieving to check out at the grocery store and not hold my breath until the debit card machine flashes “APPROVED” across the screen! I know there are even greater rewards in store as I continue to tow the line in this part of my life.
My professional life has taken its emotional toll on me this year. Counseling at risk youth and their families is a difficult gig. Many days of 2009 were spent questioning whether or not I have what it takes to do what I do. (Do any of us?) Time after time, encouragement came in the form of words from loved ones or sharp, brief glimmers of hope from my clients. I press on for the time being.
My relationship with Jesus continues to be the only bond that holds me together. Without His strength and encouragement, 28 would have definitely turned out substantially different. It is in the darkest moments that His light penetrates my sadness and brings newness & hope. I hope I never tire of God’s amazing ability to sustain life in the midst of trying, dark, troubled times. 28 was not as bad a year as some in the past have been; and my life is a myriad of blessings in general compared to scores of other people’s lives. But each and every one of us doesn’t escape the power of the darkness seeking to tear down our defenses and rip our hearts in half. Evil lurks, waiting to kill, maim and destroy. I’ll be damned if I allow it to overcome me and not reach out to my Saving Grace in Christ instead.
So, with a tear in one eye and hope for the future in the other, let me bid adieu, 28. It’s been real. Real hard. Real interesting. Real eye-opening. Real. And karibu sana, 29. I wasn’t sure how I felt about you at first, but now that the first impression is wearing off, I think you and I are going to get along well. Let’s take it one day at a time and not rush into anything. Let’s have fun! Let’s continue to do what is right, even when it is what is harder. Let’s welcome the healing salve of time and embrace the warmth of hope. Shall we?
