fools parade

Tyrone Wells’ music has been making girls’ hearts swoon for a few good years now. Ever since I first heard his voice and experienced his mad guitar skills at Puget Sound Christian College circa 2003, I was sold…

But recently I heard one of his songs and was able to relate more than ever:

“Each time I’ve believed,
Love has proved to be
A fool’s parade
Lost in this masquerade
Marching in Line
Trying hard to keep time
With my broken heart beat
Fools parade
Cried the band as it plays
And love makes its retreat
Every step of my feet
Sends it away
Hear the crowd point and say, ‘It’s a fool’s parade.’
How I wish I could believe
When a princess [or prince] waves at me
That my true love has been found.
But someone's always just behind
To get the wave I thought was mine.
I always play a clown
In this fool's parade.”

Some people seem really worried about me becoming bitter and harboring anger due to my recent break up. I appreciate the concern. However, I’m just trying to be honest with my feelings right now. Being one who struggles with always feeling rejected, I have to be self aware enough to be able to grow through this situation, but at the same time not overly self critical to the point of self character mutilation.

Tyrone has nailed my sentiments on the head. I feel like a fool. I feel foolish for believing yet again that someone might actually love me for who I am. I feel foolish for putting myself out there. I feel like a clown who’s not quite good enough. And yeah, that can make a girl kinda angry & bitter sometimes.

At the same time, whether or not I’ve been foolish, God is good in spite of my actions or anyone else’s. He is not a clown. He does not cause turmoil like this, but as I look to Him for strength, he will provide it. He is a shelter in the storm. He is a light in the darkness.

The other day I was questioning why I had to experience this type of pain all over again, and I heard loud & clear: “You need to know what pain is.” I have had an easy life, all things considered. But I feel led to love some deeply hurting people. The pain I’m experiencing right now pales in comparison to extreme poverty, broken families, loosing loved ones & being diagnosed with terminal illnesses. But how am I to love people with broken hearts if I’ve never experienced one myself?

Good will come of this fool's parade.